Archive for the ‘Complete Stupidity’ Category

Elite Computing

Posted: December 14, 2011 in Complete Stupidity, Out In The Fringe

Lower That Bar!

So recently I saw a H I L A R I O U S post on Quora: What do all of the Mediocre People Do In Silicon Valley?  I was so pleased by this that I decided to write yet another blog on what I am now calling Elite Computing.  As a matter of fact this is a moniker that I cannot claim.  Someone who I had a long discussion with said and I quote, ” I like the fact that you talk about Elite Computing and acknowledge people when they are smart.”  They went on to discuss the differences between The Valley and almost everywhere else was that in The Valley you better know and show your smart or else.

A while a go I wrote a blog on Social Darwinism and Software Development.  Lets take an excerpt from this Quora article that appears to be a little more palatible:

“They work in less important roles at larger companies. Certain parts of Yahoo, AOL, Oracle, Microsoft have lots of these people. The companies actually make reasonably productive use of them. They generally have structures in place that prevent them from doing too much damage and make sure they are always making forward progress, even if it’s slow”

Then if you go down in the comments there is the usual bitching about “Why do you have to have over confidence?  So what IF just WHAT IF?  The same pathetic atitude existed in 1) The Military 2) The Police Force 3) Sports.

Stronger Better Faster More.  You want a 1x return on your investment or you want a 10x?  Think about  that the next time some of the top performers seem overly intense, passionate or crazy.

It put the whole 99% and 1% argument in a different light.

To the victor go the spoils.  May the best company win and live large.

Until Then,

Go Big or Go Home!

@tctjr

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Where Linguistics Meet The Meeting

Well low and behold we have had input from the B L O G O S P H E R E (wherever the hell that is…) kinda like the great jukebox in the sky… I digress.  Gotta focus get things accomplished.  Busy is as Busy does you know… In any event we have a follow on, an incremental build if you will of the previous blog.  See Words That Do Not Mean Anything from my previous blog.  So had some input and little did I know that people are really pissed about this issue.  They are fed up!.  Yet they still fall into the same process and entrain into the local linguistics.  Monkey See – Monkey Do…  Without much ado about nothing here is the latest list…ah the collaborative nature of the open source world.  A list of phrases and worlds that do not mean anything a.k.a. Words That Don’t Mean Anything Volume # 2.

Timely

tim·ing (t-i-mng)

n. The regulation of occurrence, pace, or coordination to achieve a desired effect, as in music, the theater, athletics, or mechanics.

This in most cases, means that you want something done immediately but cannot justify telling the person that you do not really feel like doing it so you turn it over to them and tell them you need it in a “timely” manner.

Swimingly

swim·ming·ly (swmng-lee)

adv. With great ease and success

It is my understanding that this term had deeper contextual meaning as well as historical meaning but for the life of me I could never hear myself saying, “Its going swimmingly”.  If anyone has ever done any real swimming you will know why this is true.

Absolutely

ab·so·lute·ly (bs-ltl, bs-ltl)

adv. Definitely and completely; unquestionably.

An attempt at pseudo-passion when really you could care less.  Then they completely forget about it after the meeting.  Nice act.  Keep up the good work..

Effective

ef·fec·tive (e-fktv)

adj. Having an intended or expected effect.

I am going to shift to some phrases that I have heard over the years. Yes I know this is supposed to be WORDS but I control the information.

Great, great, glad to hear it.

Scenario: Teleconference.

Person1: “Hey how are you?”

Person2: “Busy, really busy.”

Person1: “Great Great, glad to hear it.”

Person1 could care less.  It could have been much like this:

Scenario: Teleconference.

Person1: “Hey how are you?”

Person2: “Just came back from your house with your wife.”

Person1: “Great Great, glad to hear it.”


Add some color for me

Decoded: I have no clue what is going on tell me exactly why I am even here and what to do…

It’s coming together

Decoded: I hope this thing ships or my ass is done for…

It Just Works

Come on people!  THIS IS NOT A REQUIREMENT! OF COURSE THE THING SHOULD WORK!

Scenario: Requirements Meeting

Person1: “Well I have this idea about using Hive to speed up our data analysis.”

Person2: “Great, Great, glad to hear it.  So whats one of the design requirements?”

Person1: “It should just work.”

So here we go…

I need to have these requirements finished in a timely manner such that it adds some color around an effective design so that the coding will proceed swimingly. One of the main requirements is that It Just Works. Think we can get it done?  Absolutely! I think its coming together!

Until then,

Go Big Or Go Home.

@jaxsoncreole

 

Sometimes It Helps To Look At Ourselves

Over the last ten years or so aside from the millions of acronyms that have been created, misused and abused, there is this growing trend in using words that are what I call open ended – left to the receiver to decide the importance or lack there of.  In fact these are now over-used and should be stamped out from and eviscerated from technical jargon and meetings.  Here is a short list i would love the dear readers to send me some more:

Interesting

in·ter·est·ing  (ntr-stng, -tr--stng, -t-rstng)

adj.

Arousing or holding the attention; absorbing.

A word that “sounds” intelligent.  Is it?  I contend people say it because they do not have any idea of what really to say or they are too scared to say what they are really thinking. Nowadays in this world of the information age, people get paid to think.  They get paid for what they know which turns into what they do.  Yet sitting there and saying “Interesting” doesn’t do me a damn thing other than waste mine and other people’s time.  If you are going to say something – say it.  Otherwise be quiet.  Sorry your not holding my attention. Interesting isn’t it?

Scenario

scen-ar-i-o [si-nair-ee-oh, -nahr-]

–noun, plural -nar·i·os.

1. an outline of the plot of a dramatic work, giving particularsas to the scenes, characters, situations, etc.
2. the outline or the manuscript of a motion picture or television program, giving the action in the order in which it takes place, the description of scenes and characters, etc.
3. an imagined or projected sequence of events, esp. any of several detailed plans or possibilities: One scenario calls for doubling profits by increasing our advertising, the other by reducing costs.

I LOVE this term.  Note item #3 IMAGINED… well boy howdy there have been some imagined events.  Strategic Scenarios sure do not materialize in money near term do they?.  They are however extremely important for planning.  That said SCENARIO is a term that is being used to mean “Well Really I want to sound like I know what I am doing but I don’t have a clue – really nor do I have any real ideas.”

Synergy

syn·er·gy  (snr-j)

n. pl. syn·er·gies

1. The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.
2. Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect.

Cooperation boys and girls!  “Oh I see it as a Synergism between the two departments.” Decoded:  I am going to take all of your projects and plans away.

or

“I see your investment synergistic to our needs.” Decoded: Please give us the money even it if means a low valuation with a 51% ownership!

Clarity

clar·i·ty  (klr-t)

n.

1. Clearness of appearance: the clarity of the mountain air.
2. Clearness of thought or style; lucidity: writes with clarity and perception.

How many times have you heard this? “I just want to be CLEAR.”  People also use the word transparent.  This is like a human resource catch all term that basically means I have no idea why i said what i said and put the company at risk.  In other uses in means I am trying to explain something that I do not understand.

Win-Win

win-win (wnwn)

adj.

Of or being a situation in which the outcome benefits each of two often opposing groups: a win-win proposition for the buyer and the seller.

 

 

I mean really?  Cmon’.  There will always be a winner and a loser.  Sorry you dont get a trophy, the contract or the bonus or venture capital money.  See my blog on Social Darwinism and Software Development.

Woo Hoo!

Woo hoo is a common expression of joy, especially as arising from success or good fortune.

Instead of saying Hell Yea that was incredible people say it as a half assed attempt at enthusiasm in the workplace.  They also use it at the end of a ski run in a very tight oppressed manner when they really want to yell.

Blog

blog (a blend of the term web log) is a type of website or part of a website

Never have liked that word.  Sounds like your vomiting.  Then again most people just whine and say nothing of importance.  Blogging about Blogging Blogs.

So here we go: I want to create an Scenario that is Interesting with Synergy that is Clear and creates a Win Win for everyone they can Blog about.  Woo Hoo!

Until Then,

Go Big Or Go Home.

@jaxsoncreole